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The Bottom Line IS The Bottom Line
By DeMarie
They fed, clothed and housed you, and then if you were lucky, went the extra mile with piano, tennis or riding lessons. Rushing home from work, they took you to your school activities, helped you with homework and managed to put a hot meal on the dinner table.
O.K., maybe your parents weren't Ozzie and Harriet, but they did their best. Now they need your help.
Fact: There are more seniors depending on adult children than ever before and there are more adult children returning to live with their parents as well. You want the best for them, but at what cost?
Everyone would like their loved ones to have the medical staff of Walter Reed (who care for the president) or the world famous Mayo Clinic but let's be realistic.
- Can you quit your job, be absent from your family and generally take a sabbatical from your life to care for your parents?
- If you could, do you have what it takes mentally and physically to care for someone in decline and stay the course?
- Would they want you to sacrifice everything for an imminent outcome, including family unity and tranquility?
- Are you really the best person to undertake this monumental commitment?
I believe most families try to achieve a balance - devoted care, at a reasonable cost, with minimum hassles.
In my experience, that's best achieved by going through a reputable agency or hiring a caregiver through personal referral.
Resumes can be faked, references too. Background checks in Harris County don't reveal what may have taken place in Florida or elsewhere. And, let's face it, the worst case scenario caregivers are the best con artists around.
I can't count how many horror stories I've been told by adult children about "how much she seemed to care for mom/dad," just before they find out she's eating mom's hot food and giving her a cold sandwich every day. While the caregiver talks on her cell phone, mom/dad lies in bed in dirty underwear. She sleeps while mom stares at the TV all day. No, you're probably not mistaken if you think she's too good to be true.
Conversely, I personally know of many dedicated caregivers who are godsends. They certainly don't do it for the money but for the love they feel for humanity.
These caregivers are the eyes of the physician, the voice of the elderly and become the heart of the family. Dependable, conscientious, and trustworthy, they're worth their weight in gold.
In conclusion, note that not all agencies are equal. They too make claims and boasts that aren't backed up entirely.
So what's a devoted son or daughter to do? First, research, ask questions, and use trial periods to check out a caregiver or agency. Trust your instincts. Secondly, know that you too are a responsible caregiver when you decide to offer your loved ones what they deserve - the best of care. And lastly, remember this is about long term living - living well with dignity and no regrets.
When you do, you'll have peace knowing you gave your loved one the very best - caring caregivers.
Editor's Note: For simplification we have used the feminine pronoun for caregivers. There are, obviously, many capable and dedicated male caregivers.
Editor's Note: We invite readers' comments or questions to Caregivers' Corner. Please submit them to our Contact Us page online or email to sdavis@innovativenursing.com.
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