The Unexpected Holiday Surprise

The annual holiday pilgrimage home to visit family and friends may have some unexpected surprises for the adult children of aging parents.

The change in their appearance and behavior can be dramatic. Seeing your parents or in-laws for the first time in a year might be a surprise. You may be taken aback by the changes in their appearance, their unexpected fragility, and the subtle changes in their cognition. You realize that the regular phone calls have not revealed the reality of their lives or capabilities.

Over night, vacation priorities have changed and some major decisions have to be made quickly. In a few short days you need to be sure that these loved ones are having their needs met in order to enjoy their twilight years. What options are available for the care and assistance they need at home? You must see doctors, review medications, evaluate their living environment, and perhaps get them in-home help before you return to your home and your life.

What options are there when time is short?

An informed decision will require doing the leg work, homework and internet research. Geriatric care managers, home care agencies, and retirement communities can individually or together provide the guidance and assistance that families may desire and aging parents require but won't admit to needing.

Long distance care-giving can be made easier by hiring a local geriatric care manager well established in the community. They will assess and recommend what is needed. They know the facilities in the area as well as support personnel in home caregiving, from trusted bookkeepers to pay bills to gardeners and handymen to maintain the family home. They understand the complexities of end of life decisions and financial planning and can recommend attorneys and accountants specializing in those areas. As Houston geriatric care manager Andrea Eisenstein says, "Geriatric care managers work with the older adults and their families to create a specialized plan of care to meet the older adult's needs. And we can provide peace of mind especially to out of town family members through ongoing monitoring of the home situation."

Another option is to retain an experienced, high integrity home care agency specializing in non-medical personal care. Look for an agency that is licensed by the state in which your loved one resides and is proactive in answering your questions. The right agency can be your eyes and ears from a distance. "Regular caregiver visits will not only provide the care that is needed to ensure a loved one's safety and comfort but will give the family members the relief of knowing that their loved ones are getting looked after when family members are not close at hand," states Susan Davis, President of Innovative Nurses & Sitters in Houston.

Assisted living communities with a medical component can satisfy the ongoing needs of a couple requiring different levels of care. According to Carol Klappenbach, Director of Nursing at Holly Hall Retirement Community, "We see a surge in requests for information and tours of our new facilities over the holidays. Adult children become acutely aware of changes in their parents when visiting and want to be proactive in helping to make some decisions for their long term well being."

Resources for finding options can be found through hospital social workers, area churches and neighborhood senior service centers, local publications and at various websites such as www.newlifestyles.com, www.eldercarelink.com, and www.eldercare.gov 1-800-677-1116.